She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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