You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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