It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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