I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
