you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
