HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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