There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
