Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
