He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
