carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
