The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
worst night to have a conscience
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize