Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
