you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
