i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
