what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
