so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
