He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
