I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
