You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
