I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
