i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
