ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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