The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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