I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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