it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
