Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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