So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
