I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
