can we get nightvision for the apartment?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
