I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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