We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
