Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
