This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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