Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
third nipple confirmed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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