Buhtt sex?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
