I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
