The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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