if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
