I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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