I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
