Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
