Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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