My sheets look like a crime scene.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
