Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
