there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize