Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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