wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
