The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
