Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
