What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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