halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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