Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Are we still banned from the library?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
