Whatcha textin bout Willis?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
