when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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