so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
