I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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