Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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