You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize