Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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