Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
