Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
