some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So squirting runs in the family.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
