She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
