so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
