upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
